I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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