and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
