i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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