You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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