I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
