we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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