it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
