just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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