i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
