I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
