a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
