actually, I'm a sock model
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
