i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
