He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
