just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
