The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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