we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
