Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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