Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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