I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
