there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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