She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
