I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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