What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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