i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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