i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
