Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
