used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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