Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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