I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
