Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
