i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
