I cannot find my penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
