the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
