I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
