Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
