i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
