are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize