I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
