I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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