I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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