just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
