Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
