just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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