She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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