Your face is a jimmy john
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
