This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize