Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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