this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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