that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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