We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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