fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
