you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
