i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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