giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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