Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
