Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
