Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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