is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
