guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
