the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
