Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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