After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
