hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize