great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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