Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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