My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize