so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
why is half of my head shaved?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
