meet me or not, i'm out of control
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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