I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
