her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize