I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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