I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
