Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
