I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
