you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
