Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
