I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
