Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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