She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
