and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
