my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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