ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
