Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
