we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
