Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
