I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
