i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
