it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
