even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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