We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
