She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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