Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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