I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize