In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
